I’ve joined a mentoring program. I find it exhilarating and each session I spend on the workbook alters my mood in the most positive ways.

Today, I was in the section where it asks me to begin describing in detail how I see my life if it was all that I want it to be. You  know, money and time are no hindrance! As I worked through the various sections: work, family, relationships, social life, spiritual life, etc., I started to feel uncomfortable.

Now, I basically live a simple life. And I like that. Oh, yes. I can get caught up in consumerism with the best of ‘em. But I don’t like that too often those ‘things’ never really get used. So I try to ‘keep it simple.’

I’ve also moved a great deal in my lifetime. So I tend to look at things as if I might have to move them again. Now don’t get me wrong. I actually enjoy moving. But it is a condition that I consider when buying ‘things.’

But today, I was assaulted by another thought. Yes, that is a strong word. But it’s the right word. I was assaulted by the thought that many of my choices have to do with “poverty thinking.’

What exactly is that? Well, in my mind I hear this: If I don’t have a lot of things, then I won’t feel badly should I lose them.

I realized that this thought insidiously affects my actions. It tempers my dreams. It causes me to curtail my hopes. In turn, it stops my moving forward. It short circuits my goals. It actually prevents my experiencing simple joy.

Now I’m sitting writing this and thinking, “Oh, my. They’ll read this and say I’m certainly blowing this out of proportion.”

I returned to filling out the planner. Again, I’m stopped in my tracks. Again, I find myself unable to ‘imagine’ a life much different that what I have now. Okay, I think to myself, there’s nothing wrong with being totally content with what I have. But I find myself sad that I can’t imagine more… differently!

So why should this matter? Well, I don’t know about you, but my discomfort told me that there was something more happening here than just a simple lifestyle. And that’s when I realized that it’s fear… plain and simple fear of loss. If I don’t have it, I won’t miss it. If I don’t have it, I can’t lose it. If I can’t dream it - imagine it, I can’t be disappointed.

Gosh, remember the movie, “The Boy in the Plastic Bubble?” Older folks like me will remember John Travolta playing that part. Well, poverty thinking puts our lives in the plastic bubble. We make choices that truly stunt the quality of our lives. 

So I’m returning to this section in my workbook and I’m going to wrestle the demons. What are your demons? What short circuits your astounding life? What thoughts temper your dreams. Now write some of those things down. Feel those thoughts and pay attention to they physical and emotional reaction you have. Now relax and begin to let them go. Allow yourself to imagine your best life scenario. Then…

Breathe and Savor…. And start expressing your own joys!

Namasté my friends, Ellie