Recently I had placed a photo in my publication of my granddaughter, McKayla, getting her face painted at a local event. As any 6-year old, she’s lively, precocious and very friendly.

At a grand opening/ribbon cutting for a fellow business, one of the women had been talking with McKayla and asked for her autograph. McKayla quickly looked at me, smiling broadly, eyes wide. Then she realized she needed a pen. Immediately she disappeared to search for the pen. In moments, she returned to the woman and handed her the pen.

“No, no,” the woman told her. “I want your autograph.”

McKayla looked up shyly and said, “I don’t know what that is?”

So the lady explained that McKayla’s photo was in the magazine and that she really liked it. She was quite excited to find out she was meeting that girl in person and wanted her to sign the picture. “You can either write your name, or just your initials,” she explained.

Quickly McKayla took the pen and with great care, signed the picture with her initials, M. S. Oh, my, she was most certainly ecstatic.

About half an hour later, I was looking around the group (about 40-50 people) for McKayla and soon spotted her signing her autograph for someone else. I kept watching. Over the course of the next hour or so, she would run up to the corner where the magazines were stacked. Very thoughtfully – and carefully, I might add – she would open the page to her photograph and neatly fold it back. Then she would search the unsuspecting crowd.

Ah HA! She would spot a face that she must have realized she’d not signed an autograph for and head straight to him/her. In her shy (coy?) way, she would show them the magazine. I’d watch her cutely explain it was her picture. Then she’d ask if they wanted an autograph.

Well, who could ignore this smiling, bright child in all her innocence. She was polite and pleasant. And I think over the next hour or two, she probably autographed 20 magazines for folks. As her grandmother, I started to find this a bit disconcerting. So I called her over and tried to explain that you should be ‘asked’ for the autograph – not just stop folks and offer.

As you might expect, she didn’t understand and thought I was being unkind.

I’ve thought about this all week. And I have finally come to the conclusion that I was wrong. I did exactly what I know can stop a youngster from being outgoing and confident. She had not been obnoxious or intrusive. Most everyone who realized I was the grandmother had even commented on what a bright, delightful child she was.

Why write this? Because I think it shows how quickly we, as adults, can truly take the joy out of life without even intending it. How quickly we can cause self-confidence to curl up like a dry leaf.

Am I overreacting? Maybe. But I think it’s a pretty simple lesson in monitoring our words of wisdom. She really wasn’t causing anyone discomfort. It was a casual picnic so she wasn’t even interrupting anything. Now, she’s a strong child. So I doubt I’ve hurt her confidence much.

But I want to pay closer attention that my adult ‘shoulds’ aren’t an overreaction. I want to encourage – not discourage – the healthy self-confidence of a child. I want to nurture the spirit of anyone – young or old – when they’re excited about themselves and life.

When was the last time you caught yourself sending a cautionary message to a child? Was it necessary? Was is something that, because they respect you, they took those words seriously? Were you dampening the healthy spirit and confidence of that youngster without intending?

As you sit quietly and contemplate this incident. Consider a time when you were cautioned as a child? Do those words repeat themselves to you in your subconscious today? Do they encourage you? Or do they discourage you?

If you’ve been given too many ‘you shouldn’t’ statements that you know affect you today. Re-read this little story. Picture McKayla expressing so much joy. Smile with that thought. Let go of your past thoughts that still hold you back. Then…

Breathe and Savor…. And start expressing your own joys!

Namasté my friends,

Ellie